My Savior, my savior

Over these dark years, I prayed, constantly. I prayed for healing, I prayed for God to ease my pain, and I prayed for someone to come into my life.  Mark 11:24 tells us, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”  I think that I halfheartedly believed that it would happen, but I had been in pain for such a long time I was beginning to have doubts.  Have doubts in my Lord?  He who can heal all, cure all, fix all?  Yes, I was a doubter, but that truly was not me, that was the devil working on me trying to waiver my faith.

My savior came in the form of a phone call one Sunday evening in August 2016.  The call was from Billy, my long ago childhood friend, neighbor, and high school love.  Of course, I was lying in bed watching TV surrounded by my animals when he called.  When I first saw his name pop up on the caller ID, I panicked.  I actually clicked off my phone, but he called right back.  I picked up the second time and there was that voice from oh so long ago.  The same voice I had always loved, and the same voice I had missed for  many years.  We talked for over an hour which is good for me as I really do not like talking on the phone.  We set a date for that coming Friday.  He called again on Wednesday to confirm the date and again we talked for over an hour.

I literally felt like I was in high school again.  I was giddy, excited, nervous every emotion possible all bottled up into one huge wreck.  We agreed to meet at a local hang-out in Girard (where we live close to now).  I walked in and scanned the crowd looking for him.  He came up to me and gave me the biggest hug.  I had to control my shaking and the huge lump that was in my throat.  Time stood still.  It was as though he was walking up on my front porch to pick me up for a date.  To me, he looked exactly the same.  He was my Billy.

We sat for a while and talked about everything.  I spewed out all of my troubles that had happened to me over the past few years and he told me his story.  At some point, I may talk about his story.  For now, I want to talk about my story.  Anyway, he asked if I cared if we went over to some of his friends house for a party.  Of course, I said yes.  Little did I know these friends would become some of our very best friends.  They now say they knew that very night that we would end up together and married.  We had a great time that evening.  I did not want it to end.  We stayed up half the night talking.  That was the beginning of our love story.  I basically never left after that night.

We did not want to spend a minute apart as we had many years of catching up to do.  I  ran back and forth between two houses until I sold my house in March of 2017.  He surprised me on my birthday in July of that year and asked me to marry him at the same local hangout where we had our very first date.  We set our wedding date for April 7, 2018.

I am living my fairy-tale dream.  He is the cowboy, farmer, rancher type of guy who I always knew I wanted to be with, the one I had prayed for.  He is kind, considerate, loving, and compassionate.  He loves me like I have never ever been loved before.  He pulled me out of a darkness and showed me the light and how to live again.  I feel more alive with him than I have in a very long time.  I am happy at last.  I love our life on the ranch.  I am going to write about ranch-life in another blog.  This blog is for our love story.

My honey calls me is Beauty-Queen.  Rarely does he call me by my name always just  Beauty-Queen.  He texts me every morning when I am at work and says, “Good morning beautiful, I love you very much, have a great day.”  Such a simple thing, yet it means so much especially since I have never had anyone do that for me.

God’s plans for us do not go according to how we envision them.  I never thought I would be alone for so many years.  When I think back, the only thought that comes into my head is God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight.  I carried many burdens transitioning into the woman I have become today.  Every heartbreak that I thought I had in my life was placed there for a reason.  It was a learning lesson.  God showed me the wrong type of man for me on many occassions even though I attempted to make the wrong man, the right man.  My life with any of them was never going to be the ideal life I have right now as none of them were the man God chose for me.

God knew what he was doing when a little boy from Girard, Kansas moved to Bronson, Kansas.  He knew that friendship would blossom into a love that stood the test of time.  I have written nearly 100 poems about my love for him, and they were all written during and shortly after high school.  I read one of my poems to him at our wedding.  It was almost a premonition of what was to happen only 35 years later.

We had my fairy-tale wedding.  Very country and rustic, our close friends and family, and a celebration of love.  I had often asked my married friends, ” How do you know when you are in love.”  Of course the answer was, well you will just know.  I have that feeling with Billy.  I knew he was the one many years ago and he is still the one to this day.

We love spending time together.  We enjoy our friends and dinner out, but we both like to stay home and watch a movie cuddled up on the couch or in bed.  We do not fight.  I am not a fighter.  I have learned that in order to have a successful married, both parties have to communicate.

Almost the exact same day as when Billy called, I had to place my mother in a long term care facility.  She had a mini-stroke in October of 2015.  The stroke seem to bring on symptoms of dementia.  She had a meltdown the first part of August in 2016.  I tried taking care of her at my house, but it was too much.  The hardest thing that I have ever done was to place my mother into a long-term care facility.  At first, she had good and days.  Nearly every day I went to see her, and every time on my way home, I cried, and I still do.  When I would get home, I would fall into Billy’s arms crying.  One is never prepared to see your mother in a facility and in the complete care of someone else.

Thank the good Lord, I had found a place that is a residential facility so that  she  is able to have her own room with her things in it.  Mom has  gone downhill since that time.  This all has seemed to have happened in the past six months or so.  It broke my heart the day that I walked in and she did not recognize me.  Now, I cherish every minute with her. We talk about the past and I tell her about our ranch.  I see a glimpse of her every now and then.  One day a few weeks back, she was even talking in her old voice and laughing.

Her type of dementia is vascular.  Her hands, legs, and toes are curled up.  She is confined to a bed.  She has  to have complete care given to her by the compassionate and loving staff at the facility.  I cannot stand to see her like this.  I sometimes cry when I am there and she says random things like I am pretty, or she likes my hair, or my shirt looks nice.  I think to myself this poor woman is in so much pain, yet, she can still make me feel good.  She recognizes me now.  Every day is different.  Some days she may not talk at all and others she will tell me a story that I do not recognize, but I go along with it.  I wish that I knew what was going on in her mind.  One thing for sure, before I leave I hug her, kiss her, hold her and tell her how much I love her.

This is why God made me strong.  This is why I had to go through pain.  He had to break me in order to better me and bring me closer to Him.  My drives to and from work are my daily talks with God.  I would not be able to handle the emotional stress this has placed upon me without my Lord.

I am not alone in this. I have friends who ask me daily how my mother is doing.  People see me at work and tell me they are still praying for my mother and me.  Thank goodness she has a very loving sister who visits her often and who has been like a mother to me.

This is why timing is everything and it is all in God’s time.  He knew that I would have to be strong and he knew that I would need a strong loving man by my side, so he sent me Billy.

Be patient.  Pray diligently.  Believe when you pray.  Tell you loved ones that  you love them every day.  Give out hugs and kisses.  Today is a gift.  Cherish each day as there  is only one happiness is this life and that  is to love and to be loved.

Author: farmliferancherswife

I am a born and raised farm girl who married her high school sweetheart and moved back to the country after living in a small town for many years. I am finally where I was always meant to be. I have had some health issues over the past few years, so part of my blog is about my farm life and part is about my health. I also love to garden, can all kinds of goodies, cook and bake. My passion is my animals. I have cats, dogs, chickens, horses, and of course, cows. View all posts by farmliferancherswife